****The following review is mostly transcribed from crude notes and mind altered recollections****
Saturday night. Midnight. The New Beverly Cinema. THE DUNGEONMASTER.
Vintage trailers of HALLOWEEN II, JASON AND THE ARGONAUTS, THE EVIL DEAD, and a literacy P.S.A.
The EMPIRE INT. logo. The symbol of excellence!
Richard (Bull from Night Court) Moll has top billing! Crazy.
Holy shit! Over seven fucking directors for this movie?! Ahhh, Charles Band had a hand in this.
Some nerd guy running in short shorts.
He invented a computer named C.A.L. He can access his ATM with giant frame 80’s glasses patched into C.A.L.
He’s got a hot aerobics instructor girlfriend. Is this kinda like a cross between HEAVENLY BODIES and ELECTRIC DREAMS or what?
They fall asleep and the giant frame 80’s glasses teleport the two to Hell where Richard Moll lives.
Mestema (Moll) turns nerd guys computer into wristband that shoots lasers. Cool. He calls it Ex-C.A.L.-ibrate. Get it? Seven different directors made this.
He’s got to pass 7 challenges or Moll’s gonna rape his aerobics instructor girlfriend. She’s tied to a rock. HOTT!
Nerd guy meets mute midgets who flash their packages when they climb down rocks. Weird.
Midgets set up nerd guy and giant stone statue comes to life and shoots lasers out of his forehead. Thank god, I’m stoned!
Giant statue guy is easily defeated. Buzz kill.
They’re in a cavern full of highly unmotivated zombies and the world’s cheapest muppet. It’s name is RATSPIT! Seven directors folks!
“I reject your reality and substitute it with my own!” is the greatest line in film history and my new mantra! I’m gonna have it tattooed on my back, jail-house style!
WASP!!!!!!! What in the spandex and leather clad FUCK is the Metal band WASP doing in this movie?!? WASP!!!!!!!!
“Oh my god! That’s Einstein!” – line delivered upon discovery of a frozen solid Albert Einstein standing next to a frozen solid werewolf.
“I’ve got one word for you. Forget it.”- delivered in a completely serious tone by the lead actor.
Slasher City. Donuts. Laser lock. (I don’t know what it means either. They were in the notes that way.)
Now we’re in the post-apocalyptic future in a chase with the cars from MEGAFORCE!
“He’s a giant! You can’t possibly win!” – words of encouragement from the leading lady.
Nerd guy defeats Richard Moll (Mestema). Yayyyyy!
Seven people directed this film.